I've been sad/happy lately...

Now that Erin is just days away from turning 2, I have been more emotional that usual lately. Her comprehension is amazing, her vocabulary is vast, her sentences are forming. She is engaging in imaginative play and seems just SO grown up to me these days! It must be that I have been home with her for a full week, watching her in amazement at all the things that didn't occur to me that she can do.

As we sit on the floor in the her bedroom, the bedroom where she first crawled and took her first steps, I sit and just watch her grow up before my eyes. Greg will laugh at me as my eyes well up with tears as she learns, says, or does something new. I don't think I was this happy/sad when she was an infant discovering the world for the first time. It's hard to describe.

"Oh, Erin! My cup runneth over", I said to her the other day while riding in the car. She says and does the funniest things and then when we react to her silliness she will say, "I funny?!" Yes, Erin. You are funny!

I can't believe that in a few weeks, my baby, the baby who pushed on every rib, nerve and organ inside of me. The baby who forced me to only eat Cheerio's for 3 months while I fought horrible heartburn. The baby who blessed me with siatic nerve pain, leg cramps and nights of sleeplessness on the couch is turning 2 years old!

I hold on to those memories of my pregnancy and post partum dearly. Those grim days of her unexpected illness and the weeks in the hospital that followed. Those days where I saw unconditional generosity first hand from strangers, family, and friends. Erin's life has been a blessing to me. She has made me a grateful, thankful, hopeful, peaceful person. I never expected that dear gift from my sweet baby girl. I want to give her the world because she has given it to me!

I love you, Erin!
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Here are some pictures of a special moment we shared just eating cookies and cuddling on the couch together today!

No Me Monday

It's time to get back into the swing of things and start blogging more frequently! Seeing that I am on Christmas break until next Monday, I have plenty of time to be on my computer, 24/7...yeah, right!

Our wonderful MckMama is wayyy too occupied to share with us today all her "Not's Me's" But, please visit her site and check out why she is such an amazing woman...really, she should be on Oprah! Please keep Stellan and the whole MckFamily in your prayers. Stellan has been diagnosed with RSV and is really is a lot of distress...

I did not hand my phone over to my toddler twice while talking to my husband this afternoon. That would be rude of me. I was very interested in the argument that we were having (again) about what we are doing for New Years eve and day. I like going back and forth with my husband while we try again to make everyone else happy and end up missing out on our own family time.

It wasn't me who slept in until 20 past 8 this morning while my little girl ate Cheerio's and drank from her sippy cup inher crib...while watching the Disney channel. No that doesn't happen every morning either. I wake up with her everyday at 6am and make her a well balanced meal first thing in the morning. (actually, the yummy breakfast comes after we run around the house like mad men because we slept too late, again. Maybe we should get up at 6!)

It also wasn't me who was lying on the floor napping on my toddlers floor at around 4:00 this afternoon. I made sure that I ate plenty today to insure that I would have enough energy to sustain me through the day. Why would I neglect myself that way?

My laundry is not still waiting to put itself into the washing machine. It hasn't been down there since Saturday night and I haven't been wearing these jeans for the past 6 days...6 days??!!! That's gross!

I haven't been checking mycharmingkids all weekend to make sure I have the minute to minute updates of Stellan's health from MckMama. I have total faith in God and all his healing powers that I don't need to keep checking to make sure that Stellan continues to be taken care of.

While playing by myself in the snow last week I did not want to write out Stellan's name in the fresh snow instead of Erin's... that would be silly of me!

Erin did not eat her chicken nugget, carrot, and green beans dinner on the couch in front of the TV tonight. Of course, my toddler always sits nicely at her table at dinner time and eats all her food. Why would I need to plop her in front of the TV to make sure that she was distracted enough to not pay attention to what she was putting in her mouth? That's just dangerous! I also did not bribe my child with Munchkin's for breakfast to keep her quiet while renewing my license at the DMV this morning. I am Super Mommy...I have excelled in the art of Toddler Entertaining!

What didn't you do this week?

I've got a LOT of catching up to do!

It's been a while since I have posted anything with any substance. Our Christmas was wonderful! Santa brought Erin a new "big girl" kitchen. He left it in her bedroom. I'm thinking it was so she could focus on all the other gifts he left her and not be distracted by the big new kitchen! When we took her out of her crib she was able to explore it a bit. We asked her, "Do you like your new kitchen?" and she replied with a big, loud, "AWESOME!" It was too funny!

We hosted Christmas eve and day at our home to make sure that Erin had her nap on time and in bed when she was ready. I am big into keeping with schedule and Erin benifits from that. The days with our families were great and we made many memories to last a lifetime.

A picture is worth a thousand words...so here are some that are worth more than a thousand!
Coloring on her easle from Ga-gi and Poppa

Playing with the kitchen that Santa brought

Riding her tricycle (?!!?) from Nana and Pa


Wishing you and yours a happy, healthy New Year!

Short and sweet...

Just visited McMama's site...please pray for baby Stellan!

Christmas...

It's coming!!

Workin' in a Preschool classroom...

A good friend of mine sent this to me to spread some holiday cheer. I changed a few of the words so it would fit all of us Preschool teachers! Enjoy

(to the tune of Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland)

Children scream, they won't lis-in'
When they go, we won't miss em',
In all of this pain, we try to stay sane,
Workin' in a Preschool classroom.
Christmas comes, they're excited,
Though our nerves, they've ignited,
They're off of the walls, they run in the halls,
Workin' in a Preschool classroom.
In the classroom we can hear them yellin'
And we know that they are really wound.
Someone hits, the other says, "I'm tellin'"
And that is when our heads begin to pound.
Pretty soon we'll be restin'
Cause our nerves, they've been testin'
We're happy it's clear
It comes once a year
Christmas in a Preschool classroom!

Frazzled and Frustrated!

No, they are not 2 of Santa's reindeer!

Tomorrow is our annual Holiday party at the school. We have been practicing singing our Holiday songs for a month now and we are more than ready for our performance. But once again it is supposed to snow on our day! We had a snow date planned for Monday and EP public schools have already canceled school which means we should be closed too. Nope! The party is still on unless the snow starts earlier than expected and then it will be postponed. Oi Vey!

Erin had her second follow up check with her ENT this afternoon and I was really thinking that we finally kicked this ear infection's butt. We have been religiously been stressing her out with putting ear drops in her ears every morning and night but it did us no good. She has another infection in her left ear and her tube is blocked on the right ear! So what does that mean you ask? Looks like dose # 8 of the wonderful super drug Augmentin and another trip to visit lovely Dr. Robin after the 1st of the year!

I know what will end up happening so I wish they would just get it over with. The tubes that they placed are too small and they need to go back in and insert bigger ones. I know the meds. won't work. Neither will the 1/2 peroxide 1/2 water concoction that I need to squeeze into her ear along with her daily drops. Let's just get it over with, shall we?!

We went to our friendly neighborhood pharmacy to have our meds. filled and wouldn'tchaknow they are out of stock. I avoided the usual Rite Aid because they seem to never be in stock when we need it but again...wouldn'tchaknow...they are the ones that have it! The catch is that it will take an hour and it's already 5:30 and I have a days away from being 2 yr. old telling me, "I hungy...suppa? Comin'?"
I don't have time to drop it off and wait! Wait! She still is in bed at 6pm! I can't wait! And wouldn'tchaknow that this helpful pharmacy closes at 9 and my darling better half gets out of work at 10!

Oooo...is it Christmas break yet? I'm looking forward to spending December 24-January 5th home with out pay! Sounds like a good time, doesn't it?! In the words of the brilliant Charlie Brown...Good Grief!

Number game

Updated--
After visiting MckMama's site and following some fellow bloggers, I feel that I have no place to complain about Erin's health. I was reading a story of a mother the same age as me who has had one miscarriage and her second child only lived for 16 minutes. How selfish of me to complain. My daughter was given a second chance and I should be thanking God hourly if not minute by minute that she is here with me and that she has "normal" ailments that are non life threatening. I feel so insensitive and ungrateful.
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Thank goodness for my very own blog. I have been needing an outlet to vent all day and finally with Miss Toddler in bed I will be able to write for a minute!

7- The total number of ear infections that my little girl has had

2- Two of them have been since having "tubes"

10- The number of minutes the little one slept at nap time at school

4- Months we have been off again on again sick

5- The number of days that toddler of mine slept through the night...I mean the whole night, not a peep at 9:30, 10:30, 11:30...since August.

5- number of times that I am sure she will be calling "Mommy" tonight

10ish- The time my relief will be coming home

15- number of minutes of "relief" I will have before she will call me again and not want Daddy

2- How many times I will try unsuccessfully to take a shower tonight

47,000- The amount of times that I am sure this will all happen again!

Here are those pictures with Santa I promised...shhh...they aren't mine!

TTC or not TTC...

that is my question to my darling husband(insert eye roll here)

Erin will be 2 in January and I believe that right now would be a good time to start trying for #2. My husband on the other hand does not share my opinion. As some of you know, I have hypothyroidism and was diagnosed back in 2001. Living with this disease is sometimes not very easy. The thyroid hormones control everything in your body. So when my thyroid is "off" my whole body is off. From my hair becoming thin and falling out to my regular monthly cycles slowing or even not existing.

I have finally started to get back to "normal" but my wonderful doctor and I are still "playing" with my medication to get me exactly where I should be...for now. You see, my meds. can be regulated now but come 6 weeks to 6 months from now, I could be in the same situation I was in all this summer. Exhausted, crabby and not myself. I went over a year without having a period which makes it hard for someone like me to try and calculate when I could get pregnant. That's my problem.

Right now I am feeling fine and my body is doing what it should be doing for a change. This is why I believe that now is the time to get pregnant. It took us 7 months to conceive Erin, who knows how long it will take with Leah (I KNOW my next one will be a girl and her name will be Leah!)

If you know our situation right now financially, which most of you don't unless you are our parents, you would understand why Greg has a different opinion that me on the whole TTC topic. He thinks that if we wait until at least this time next year we will be in a better situation. He is thinking about after we have the baby I will be making considerably a lot less money while I collect TDI and then when I go back to work it won't be full time like it is now. And who will watch this new little one when it is time to get back to work? We are lucky to have a wonderful aunt who watched Erin for the last few month before she could come to school with me, but would she want to do it again?

I really do get his point about being to be able to financially support this little one and of course the 3 of us already but there comes a point when you have to say, "there will never be the right time to have a child". We were never expecting all the complications we had regarding Erin's health after she was born but look at her now. We never knew that Greg was going to be laid off twice within a year when the mortgage industry took a turn for the worse. We didn't see that one coming either. But who knows how long it will take us to get pregnant. I feel that if we wait my health could spiral down again and it will take us that much longer.

Oh I wish he could see my side of this all. Or maybe I am the one who needs to look again. Any thoughts?
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On a happier note...
Today was the day we took Erin to see Santa. I am hoping this will become one of our traditions every holiday. We took Erin last year and she didn't freak out so we decided to try again this year.

She is starting to become "shy" so I was prepared for her to refuse to sit on Santa's lap but she actually did ok...if you consider ok sitting on his lap but not looking at him and saying quietly "Mommy, Mommy" At least she didn't scream! Personal cameras are not permitted so I don't have any to post right now. But you can visit www.eastbayri.com tomorrow morning after 9am and click on Photos with Santa to see my munchkin with her second visit with Santa. (You might be able to find her better if you look under Group 7)I was able to take a few pics. of the little "big" girl in the Christmas outfit that she wore to see hide from Santa in!



After Santa we went to pick out our tree. We found a beautiful, full tree at a price we could afford (thanks, Wal-Mart!) and took it home to discover that there was a huge split in the trunk from the bottom to half way up the tree!! After nap time we went and returned the dud and bought an even better tree. It's sitting in our living room right now awaiting all of our cherished ornaments!

Too good to be true!

You all might remember my post the other day about spending some quiet time by myself on Monday. I sat Erin in her room with crayons and vegged on the computer for a few. Yes, I felt a bit guilty, but it did feel good to have some peace and quiet. Today was another half day for us (we get 2 a week). It's been a long day and I decided that I wanted some time to myself again. Monday went so well so once Erin was finished with her snack we went upstairs so she could color quietly again. Of course I checked in on her...many times. The last time I checked, my darling little girl was standing at her window, green Crayola crayon in her hand...and in her mouth! She had bitten off a big chunk and was chewing like a cow happily chewing cud! Her lips, teeth and hands, not to mention the floor, window and crib, was green! If the camera was near by I would have taken a picture. That's what I get for taking advantage of a good thing!

Not Me Monday

Here's to another month and another installment of Not Me Monday. Make sure you check out the creator of Not Me Monday, MckMama and read all about her amazing children, husband and life!

It wasn't me who stayed up a few minutes later last night to watch the Britney Spears special that I found on MTV. Like I really have an interest in why she shaved her head and locked herself in the bathroom with her children! I have better things to do...like sleeping!

I did not set my toddler down in her bedroom, alone, out of sight with a box of crayons and a pad of paper so I could come on and check out other Not Me's on our half day off. I value our half days seeing they are few and far between too much to spend quality time by myself!

I did not feel guilty for setting my toddler down in her bedroom, alone, out of sight with a box of crayons and a pad of paper so I could come on and check out other Not Me's on our half day off. I value our half days, seeing they are few and far between, too much to spend quality time by myself!

I did not feel guilty for then reading online the origin of Tina Fey's scar after checking the other Not Me's before going back to check on my little one.

And I most certainly did not feel guilty for turning the TV on and watching Oprah interview Barbara Walters after finally rejoining my little girl in her cute pink bedroom. Nope...not me!

I am not a little bit happy that I actually did spend some quality time by myself this afternoon!

It wasn't Erin and I who stood at our doorway gazing at the moon, Venus and Jupiter tonight while talking to Ga-Gi on the phone and dreaming of where we will be 40 yrs. from now when they are all aligned again. Nope, I wasn't at all thinking of my little girl almost 42 with kids of her own. I instead was in the moment.

Thanksgiving last year and this year...

2007


2008

2007

2008

Thanksgiving Photos

Here are some pics. from Thanksgiving 2008. We enjoyed a turkey lunch with my in-laws. Erin especially liked being able to feed herself mashed potatoes and squash with her fork! Later on my family came to our house for dessert. It was also Denise's birthday so we had extra yummy treats! All in all, it was a wonderful holiday! Can't wait for Christmas!

Erin waiting patiently for her dinner...

Greg carved the turkey...

Erin and her Pa enjoying one of her favorite past time...coloring! (her other favorite is reading books)

Seal!...
Dreaming of dessert!

Happy Birthday, Denise!

the pineapple upside down cake I made!

yummy!

What a difference a year makes!

November 22, 2007~ Mom's birthday, Thanksgiving




November 22, 2008




I will update this post on Thursday after the 2008 Thanksgiving photos are taken! I can't wait to see how much older Erin looks!

Feeling like a kid again...and NOT liking it!

I don't know if it is that my thyroid is back to "normal" or that it's just because I am supposed to be getting a visit from AF so I'm extra cranky...but lately I have been feeling like I am 15 again...and I HATE it!

My face is so broken out. I barely recognize myself. My hair is annoying. It's time for a cut but I can't afford one. I HATE my clothes. I haven't bought anything other than daily needs in months. I am dying for some new, pre-Mommy clothes but again, can't afford them right now. I have been wearing this stupid heart monitor for 2 weeks now.

Next Monday I get to bring(throw) it back to the cardiologists. I know it could be worse, but it's so damn annoying making sure the wires are hidden and not tangled and that the stupid battery is charged. I can't wait to get rid of it!


Oh how I wish I were happy right now. I can't stand feeling so down in the dumps. I am usually a happy person.

Wordful Wednesday

Word-ful Wednesday

My first and one of Seven Clown Circus' many Word-ful Wednesday's, though I am not feeling very wordy. So here's 3 words for ya'...Goodbye, ear infections!